Phantasms

Season 7 of TNG is one that I've noticed a lot of people seem to put down. It's a common occurrence that a TV show will probably run out of steam in its last season, like nearly any college student in their last semester. There were a couple good episodes of Season 7: "The Pegasus" is one of my favorites (loooong before "These Are The Voyages" ruined it), along with "Force of Nature", "Parallels", and "All Good Things". "Lower Decks" brought us to a part of the Enterprise that wasn't seen every week while "Journey's End" brought the final episode with Wesley. But, there were some lesser episodes, like "Emergence" where once again the holodeck broke down (I'm hoping they ditched the holodeck and went back to TV and movies). As for "Phantasms"...let me put it like this: the movie Phantasm made more sense than the episode "Phantasms".

You're next!
YOU'RE NEXT!!!

The episode opens with a tracking shot of Data strolling through the corridor. The music and odd camera effects immediately tell us that this is an off-putting scene. The only way to make it more off-putting is to feature a wide-angled close-up. After a brief chat with Geordi, Data notices three workmen wearing old clothing ripping a piece of the wall apart. He tries to talk to them, but for some reasons emits a high-pitched shriek. The scene ends with the workmen tearing him apaaaaaaaaaart, Lisa! (literally) And then, Data wakes up in his quarters.

The Enterprise has just installed a new warp core and is heading off to some planet. Picard is upset because he's been forced into attending the annual Admiral's Banquet. With no Borg cube inbound, Cylon attack underway, or Dalek using pig slaves, it seems that he has no more excuse to miss out an incredibly dull dinner. In engineering, Data and Geordi have a talk about dreams. They then have a chat with a young ensign...in a scene that obviously serves for padding and has no bearing on the rest of the episode. Anyway, they try to go to warp but...it's not working. Well, Picard, you might have a chance to skip out this year.

Data talks to Troi about his dream, followed by the latter suggesting he try it again. Interesting advice to do something that was disturbing. But anyway, Data decides to continue his dreaming. The following scene is chalk full of symbolism, very surreal symbolism: Worf eats a "cellular peptide cake" (with mint frosting), Dr. Crusher is sucking something out through Riker's ear, there is ringing, and the workmen are eating Troi as a cake. Then, Data wakes up to find Troi, Geordi, and Worf standing over him: Data has overslept. Naturally, realizing something seems to be very wrong, his first impulse is to go back to work.

Ja, ja.  Tell me more about zes sexual encounter mit
Tasha Yar.

After that, Data decides to get some advice from Sigmund Freud in a scene which, let's be fair, is pretty ridiculous. Freud is one of the fathers of modern psychology, but this scene fails because he's from the 20th Century. Just about every disease on Earth has been eradicated. Freud's ideas and methodologies of the time should be obsolete from new ideas and methodologies. I mean, it's like trying to ask the Founding Fathers for help on American domestic policy in the 21st Century. They were geniuses for their time, and in some ways are inspirational, but with changing times they're hardly the first people I'd go to for advice. Data eventually realizes this and leaves the holodeck.

Hello. How would you like to lose weight within one hour
by doing absolutely nothing?

Picard gets a message from Admiral Nakamura (whom you may remember all the way back from Season 2), on why they aren't at the banquet yet. Data then works on a phase coil and has a waking dream. Riker (still with the straw in his ear) tells Data to "answer it" before he comes back to reality. After that, Data goes to see a true therapist about his dreams. Troi suggests he is developing neurosis, which Data is excited about. Interesting...

Later, after a pointless scene where Picard tries to micromanage Main Engineering (where he seems anxious to get to the banquet; why isn't he ordering them to take their time?), Data has another waking dream and tries to stab Troi. He takes revenge for all the "Counselor Obvious" moments she's done in the last six years. Riker and Worf manage to be in the right place because the Klingon was complaining about his son listening to jazz; hey, Worf, jazz is a little easier to listen to than the screeching Klingon opera you pipe through the ship's audio! They manage to overpower Data...odd, as he lifted Wesley with one hand in the pilot episode, but anyway he is subdued.

In the conference room, Data tries to explain his actions, but with no explanation available, Picard is forced to relieve him of duty. We then get a scene where Data gives his demon cat Spot to Worf. Did Data consider himself to be a danger to Spot? He didn't see him/her in his dreams or see him as being in danger! But, then, Dr. Crusher realizes that the crew is actually infected by interphasic organisms, which are consuming their cellular peptides and will soon reduce the crew to piles of goo. I must admire the crew of the Enterprise. After six years in space, they are completely nonchalant that they are being killed in a highly grotesque manner.

Geordi, I think I need my spinning top.

In the end, Picard and Geordi hook Data up to the holodeck to observe his dreams. After all, when a positronic brain cannot solve a problem, send in a human one! They go down layer after layer to implant the idea to break up Fischer's company...oh, wrong dream media. Eventually, they realize that a high-pitched scream Data emitted is harmful to the creatures, so Data emits the same pulse and all the creatures are killed. Then, we get the explanation for how this happened: turns out the creatures were laying dormant in the new plasma coil. Wow, the Federation needs to stop outsourcing to planets with lax safety regulations! Luckily, it will take so long to build a new plasma conduit that Picard will miss the banquet.

So, how did this episode old up? Stupid premise, mediocre acting, and bizarre conclusion. But, to be fair, it's a pretty harmless show. The dream sequences are pretty neat and I did get a laugh out of Sigmund Freud helping an android. Brannon Braga wrote this episode, but if anyone other than Patrick Stewart directed, it would probably have been as dull as "Schisms".

Final Score: 6/10

Heart of Glory

Well, it's been a few weeks. But, I had work to finish for this semester before I graduated (I'm now a college graduate), so here's something to break the mood. Today, we're looking at Next Generation.

Let's take a detour to 1979. For the first time in a decade, a new live-action Star Trek production was released (partially thanks to the release of Star Wars). Gene Roddenberry was given control of this film, and BOY, did it suck balls! The film was so incredibly boring and was stated to be "2001 for the 80s". Nevertheless, the Motionless Picture did well enough to warrant a sequel. First thing to do, besides change the uniforms, was to get Gene as far from the creative table as possible, and with that, we had the best film in the series: Wrath of Khan.

In 1986, Voyage Home made enough money to convince Paramount that a new Star Trek series was feasible. Sadly, Paramount decided in their wisdom to give creative control back to Gene. Like God's creation of the universe, this has come to be seen as a bad move.

I said a few weeks ago that first seasons are often excusable as they're trying to find their footing, but Season 1 of TNG was just...bad. I mean...really bad. For his part, Gene tried to put in more of his Utopian ideals, many of which were horrendously silly. He made sure the phasers were as un-gunlike as possible (and I think he said they only had a stun setting), he made the ship look like a hotel and a mall, he brought children on board (exposing them to deadly danger every week), and had to introduce his silly "no money exists!" idea. I like having currency, but still I have the theory that a society with machines that can produce food from thing air will have an economic model beyond anything we can understand. In addition, he tried to make capitalism the new bad guy, resulting in the laughable first appearance of the Ferengi. But, we'll get to that later.

"Heart of Glory" was written well before Ron Moore came on the show and single handedly created the Klingons as we know them today. There are some things that show up which will never appear again, like calling the homeworld "Kling" and referring to non-Klingons as "infidels". But still, with the Klingons being friends of the Federation, they had to come in sooner or later. Maybe, it should have been "later".

The episode opens with the Enterprise arriving in the Neutral Zone to investigate a battle. Interesting how the Neutral Zone shows up well before the Romulans do (thanks to the failure of the Ferengi). In addition, they have to mention that the weapon signatures are not of Ferengi origin. Real blatant in showing how eeeeeeeeeevil capitalism is! Anyway, a Talarian ship is found severely damaged with all systems failing (the Talarians will show up years later). Picard orders the first officer, second officer, and Geordi to beam over. Geordi has a red shirt, but is just one step up from an ensign, so I'm guessing he'll be fine.

This new HD monitor is awful!

Before heading over, Geordi equips his VISOR with an uplink to the bridge, so they can see what he sees. Interesting how after this episode, it is neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever utilized again! Moreover, why are they getting what Geordi is himself seeing? The bridge crew does not know how to interpret what he's seeing. Wait, maybe that's why this is never used again (well, except by the Klingons who will use it to destroy the Enterprise in Generations). This scene serves mostly as padding, as well as showcasing the advantages of the VISOR, so let's move on.

After moving through a cloud of toxic gas, they find the passengers of this ship: Klingons. As this is some eighty years after the Original Series, Gene envisioned the Klingons being at peace with the Federation. Not too bad an idea, but that does not go over well in this episode. It looks less like the Russians and Americans working together and more like America having a puppet regime in a Middle East country. So, the ship begins to blow and Tasha is put in the transporter controls to beam them out. Of course, because she isn't a curly-haired Irishman, she fails the first time, but manages to bring them back.

The Klingons introduce themselves: Vaughn Armstrong and...some guy who was on The A-Team. Here we get one of the few elements of Klingon culture that will survive into other episodes: the Klingon death ritual. I'll admit: it is a very good scene. We also get some backstory on Worf. His parents were killed at Camp Khitomer (from Star Trek VI, which is four years away) and he was raised by humans. Nice to see how Gene, in his daze to create the perfect utopia, came up with a pretty nice backstory for Worf.

The Klingon died? You should bury him in
the pet cemetery.

Another Klingon ship arrives. On its bridge behind the captain is both a Klingon and Federation flag. Enjoy that image, because it will never be used in Star Trek again. This Klingon captain says that the ones the Enterprise picked up are fugitives, members of the Klingon Taliban. Well, maybe not, but they are wanted for stealing the ship and destroying a cruiser. Picard orders Tasha to bring the fugitives to the brig. As Tasha brings a security team, a little girl comes into the hallway and is picked up by Vaughn Armstrong. Tasha shows her usefulness by...not doing much in trying to save her.

Alright, I want to address the commonly mocked aspect of TNG with having children on board. I'm friends with multiple military families, so I've come to understand the hardships the spouses face when their loved one is shipped overseas. As such, I can kind of understand why Gene would have the families of the crew be on-board. After all, why should you go four or more years into deep space without seeing them. However, Starfleet is on various levels a military organization: one of its missions is to defend the Federation from threats. With all the anomalies and Romulan warbirds out there, you're putting dozens of kids in danger every week. Even in "Emissary", Sisko's family was on-board while he was fighting and losing to the Borg. Leave the kids at the nearest starbase! If you go up in smoke, don't bring your kids with you!

So, the hostage situation resolves nicely and the Klingons are brought to a brig which we'll never see again. It's more of a room with a force field next to a hallway than a brig (like in the Original Series). Thanks to Gene, Starfleet has decided to forgo any kind of search to make sure the prisoners aren't carrying weapons or things that could be used as weapons, as Vaughn Armstrong and the other guy are able to assemble a disruptor from equipment hidden in their clothing. Starfleet Security, one of the first things you should do when securing a prisoner is to make sure they're not carrying anything!

They get out, the other guy is killed, and Vaughn Armstrong makes it to engineering. Wow, Starfleet Security must be more like those guys who guard office buildings, "growing fat on a pension", than the elite Marine forces of the Navy if they allow an armed Klingon to get into one of the most vital areas of the ship. Once again, Tasha does not do anything and merely reports that he has his disruptor aimed at the dilithium chamber. Some have commented how the warp core is designed to withstand a constant matter/antimatter annihilation and yet a phaser blast can destroy the ship. Matter/antimatter need to be contained with magnetic shielding, not a physical barrier. Although...wouldn't it make more sense to have to have the physical barrier be built to withstand a phaser blast to prevent disruption of the magnetic...I'm rambling off-topic.

No, Worf! I'm telling you: it was a one-armed
man who killed my wife!

Worf comes in and manages to subdue Vaughn Armstrong. Once again, we see that occupational safety does not exist in the Star Trek universe, as the glass floorboards on the upper level shatter. The  episode ends with Worf rejecting an offer to leave the Enterprise and join the Klingons. You know, as we later learn, Worf has been to the Klingon homeworld before. While meditating there, he was inspired to join Starfleet. Why would they still be trying to grab him? Oh right, we needed a sugary ending for this episode. So, the Enterprise flies off and fans can rejoice that there are only two more episodes before Tasha dies!

If you're a casual fan and not on a mission to watch every episode of Star Trek ever produced, I recommend you skip this episode. It's one of the lesser episodes of the lesser season of TNG. However, if you're really into the Klingons, I'll recommend it if only for the fact that it reintroduced the Klingons to the new era. Why was I constantly mentioning Vaughn Armstrong? Well, he would go from this episode to be along the likes of Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertzler for playing seven or more characters in the Star Trek franchise. So, if you're a fan of him, it may be worth seeing his first performance.

Final Score: 6/10