Upcoming Reviews:
The Wounded
Cogenitor
Barge of the Dead
Barge of the Dead
Endgame
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Resting Today
With going to a con last weekend and having a take-home test due on Friday, I'm taking this week off. And so, allow me to give you some humour in the form of demotivational posters.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The City on the Edge of Forever
Of all the episodes of the original series I've seen, City on the Edge of Forever is the one I've probably seen the most times. I have absolutely no idea how. Is it that Kirk and Spock are the only ones we see for the majority of the episode? Is it that this episode deals with the question of "should you change the past for your own reasons" (to which Voyager sadly said, "Yes! To hell with the consequences")? Let's take a look back at one of TOS' most remembered episodes.
We open with the Enterprise heading towards the planet of the week. Red alert is sounded. As it turns out, they are passing through ripples in time to investigate a disturbance they found in a sensor scan. At this moment, Sulu's console explodes and he is knocked out. I'll take a moment to address this. Some people believe that the consoles exploding adds to the cheesiness factor of Trek. Taking on inspiration from Linkara in his Power Rangers videos, I think there is a reasonable explanation: because the ship's systems are powered by plasma, they overload when they are struck in the wrong place. In combat, wouldn't most shots be taken at the bridge of the enemy?
Bones arrives on the bridge and injects Sulu with some red medicine. However, another time bump hits and Bones accidentally injects himself with a full dosage. He becomes paranoid, believing everyone is going to kill him. As security searches for him, Bones storms a transporter room, knocks out the British transporter chief, and beams off.
Heading down with Spock, Scotty, Uhura, and two security guys whose names do not matter, Kirk commences a search for Bones. They discover a large Stargate-like device in the middle of ancient ruins. Without even looking at his tricorder, Spock is able to identify the gate as the source of all the time displacement, which makes him 150 times more competent than the entire crew of the USS Voyager.
The gate introduces itself as the Guardian of Forever, which has stood around for four billion years waiting for a question. Spock determines (once again without needing the tricorder) that it is a gateway to other times and dimensions. Obviously, Spock is too primitive to understand the concept of wibbly-wobbly...timey...wimey...stuff. They soon find Bones and Spock knocks him out with the Vulcan nerve pinch. Rather than doing something sensible, like beaming away a crazy maniac who happens to be right next to a portal through space-time, they leave Bones right where he is, unrestrained and he jumps through the gateway as it replays Earth history. Seconds later, all contact with the Enterprise is lost and Scotty determines (again, WITHOUT using the tricorder) that there's nothing wrong with it. The Guardian reveals that history has been altered. Duh-duh-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!
Luckily, Spock happened to be recording his tricorder when Bones jumped through and might be able to get himself and Kirk back to the point in history Bones changed. Before leaving, Kirk orders Scotty, Uhura, and the No-Name Brothers that if they fail, to jump through the portal and at least be alive somewhere else. Damn. Where's a Weeping Angel when you need...oh crap, WEEPING ANGELS?!! RUN!!!
Kirk and Spock jump through the portal and land in 1930 New York City. Spock calls the Great Depression a rather "barbaric period" of history. I do not believe the Great Depression counts as a barbaric period. Granted, it DID contribute to the rise of Hitler, but the Depression itself was people being unemployed and starving. Still, with World War III and rise of the Federation, it should be no surprise that they view pre-21st Century as barbaric. Maybe that's why they call it "ancient"...
Quickly realizing their uniforms are out-of-place in this time period, Kirk and Spock go to steal some clothes in order to blend in. This is followed with, quite frankly, one of Star Trek's funniest scenes:
Kirk and Spock go upstairs for dinner. Edith proceeds to give a speech about how life is worth living. She also reveals she's a fan of science fiction, and postulates the ideas of mankind harnessing atomic energy and travelling to other planets where they will get all the food they need and live in a universe of peace. Sadly, her optimism is not to last. Even in the 23rd Century, while hunger and sickness have been solved, there are people out there who despise the idea of peace. Like, Klingons! So, Edith is pleased with their work in cleaning the basement and gives the two a place to sleep.
We open with the Enterprise heading towards the planet of the week. Red alert is sounded. As it turns out, they are passing through ripples in time to investigate a disturbance they found in a sensor scan. At this moment, Sulu's console explodes and he is knocked out. I'll take a moment to address this. Some people believe that the consoles exploding adds to the cheesiness factor of Trek. Taking on inspiration from Linkara in his Power Rangers videos, I think there is a reasonable explanation: because the ship's systems are powered by plasma, they overload when they are struck in the wrong place. In combat, wouldn't most shots be taken at the bridge of the enemy?
 |
| I accidentally inject myself, and I jiiiiizzed in my pants. |
Bones arrives on the bridge and injects Sulu with some red medicine. However, another time bump hits and Bones accidentally injects himself with a full dosage. He becomes paranoid, believing everyone is going to kill him. As security searches for him, Bones storms a transporter room, knocks out the British transporter chief, and beams off.
Heading down with Spock, Scotty, Uhura, and two security guys whose names do not matter, Kirk commences a search for Bones. They discover a large Stargate-like device in the middle of ancient ruins. Without even looking at his tricorder, Spock is able to identify the gate as the source of all the time displacement, which makes him 150 times more competent than the entire crew of the USS Voyager.
 |
| I'm frightened! I think I'm revealing characterization! |
The gate introduces itself as the Guardian of Forever, which has stood around for four billion years waiting for a question. Spock determines (once again without needing the tricorder) that it is a gateway to other times and dimensions. Obviously, Spock is too primitive to understand the concept of wibbly-wobbly...timey...wimey...stuff. They soon find Bones and Spock knocks him out with the Vulcan nerve pinch. Rather than doing something sensible, like beaming away a crazy maniac who happens to be right next to a portal through space-time, they leave Bones right where he is, unrestrained and he jumps through the gateway as it replays Earth history. Seconds later, all contact with the Enterprise is lost and Scotty determines (again, WITHOUT using the tricorder) that there's nothing wrong with it. The Guardian reveals that history has been altered. Duh-duh-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!
Luckily, Spock happened to be recording his tricorder when Bones jumped through and might be able to get himself and Kirk back to the point in history Bones changed. Before leaving, Kirk orders Scotty, Uhura, and the No-Name Brothers that if they fail, to jump through the portal and at least be alive somewhere else. Damn. Where's a Weeping Angel when you need...oh crap, WEEPING ANGELS?!! RUN!!!
Kirk and Spock jump through the portal and land in 1930 New York City. Spock calls the Great Depression a rather "barbaric period" of history. I do not believe the Great Depression counts as a barbaric period. Granted, it DID contribute to the rise of Hitler, but the Depression itself was people being unemployed and starving. Still, with World War III and rise of the Federation, it should be no surprise that they view pre-21st Century as barbaric. Maybe that's why they call it "ancient"...
Quickly realizing their uniforms are out-of-place in this time period, Kirk and Spock go to steal some clothes in order to blend in. This is followed with, quite frankly, one of Star Trek's funniest scenes:
Kirk and Spock flee, ending up in a soup kitchen. Spock proposes the idea that time is like a river and the currents have delivered them to the same location McCoy will arrive at; they really need to start teaching Wibbly-Wobbly Temporal Physics at the University of Shi'kahr. There...they meet Edith Keeler, played by Joan Collins. You can see Kirk's bed-o-meter going off as she walks down the stairway like an angel...
Ahem, sorry.
The two are able to secure payment and lodging, as Spock determines he might be able to figure out what Bones did if he can access the library on his tricorder. Of course, with 1930s tech, he will need to work diligently to make use of the materials at hand. This demonstrates that the cast of TOS is what happens when you clone MacGyver and assign those clones to the command staff of a starship.
 |
| Damn, I'm...never this slow when...courting a woman. |
Kirk and Spock go upstairs for dinner. Edith proceeds to give a speech about how life is worth living. She also reveals she's a fan of science fiction, and postulates the ideas of mankind harnessing atomic energy and travelling to other planets where they will get all the food they need and live in a universe of peace. Sadly, her optimism is not to last. Even in the 23rd Century, while hunger and sickness have been solved, there are people out there who despise the idea of peace. Like, Klingons! So, Edith is pleased with their work in cleaning the basement and gives the two a place to sleep.
A few days later, Spock has started work on his device that will harvest the energy of lightning to reanimate the body he made from a hosh-posh of corpses dug up from grave...oops, wrong thing. Spock is able to explain away what his device is to Edith in his usual alien monotone. Following this, we get the blooming of romance between Kirk and Edith. You know, for a woman who predicts atomic power, she seems a bit slow to realize that Kirk is from space when he says that a hundred years from now, there will be a great novelist from Orion who will reinvigorate the words "I love you". Even Gillian from Star Trek IV worked it out over pizza.
Back to work, Spock repairs enough of the tricorder to see an obituary for Edith. However, when he shows the display to Kirk, it shows a headline of Edith and FDR having a meeting (no, not that kind of meeting; Edith doesn't seem to be FDR's type). At that moment, the circuitry explodes. They realize that Edith has two possible futures, and Kirk must know whether she is supposed to live or die. After all, he is at Step 5 of Kirk's Long Term Romantic Plan.
Meanwhile, Bones finally shows and startles one of the bums from the soup kitchen. He's still crazy and begins to break down upon thinking about 20th Century medicine, when people were "cut and sewn like garments" (which he'll later see in Star Trek IV). Hey, Bones, no offense, but while it wasn't the best medicine possible, it was still all we had! After he passes out, the bum takes his phaser and accidentally kills himself. Just goes to show how stupid American bums are. Around this time, German bums were hired by the mob to track the child killer Peter Lorre on the streets of Berlin!
In what you'd expect, Bones heads over to the same soup kitchen Kirk and Spock are at. He's taken away by Edith just as Spock enters the room. After that, Spock reveals the true extent of what happens if Edith lives. Her peace movement will influence President Roosevelt and thus delay America's entrance into World War II. Without American involvement, Germany will have enough time to complete the atomic bomb and with the V2 rockets, the Nazis will conquer the world. Before I continue, I'd like to point out that there is a novel out there about McCoy's life after he gets trapped and realizes his mistake when America doesn't enter the war; he ends up getting killed by Japanese occupation forces.
I'd like to say that this scenario is fairly far fetched. One, America did not cause Germany's defeat; it only accelerated it. Hitler lost the war the moment he decided that invading Russia would be a good idea. Two, even if Hitler completed his nukes, the resolve of Churchill and Stalin was so great that (assuming they were at some conference when London and Moscow were destroyed) they would only bide their time while they completed their own nuclear weapons and nuked Berlin in response. Three, the V2 rockets carried a warhead that weighed 2200 pounds. Little Boy, the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, weighed 9000 pounds. As they were first used in 1944, it would have taken a year or two to adapt the rockets to carry a heavier payload (even longer to complete the V3 intercontinental rocket), and with no landing at Normandy, more resources would be sent out to hold the Eastern Front. Unless, of course, Hitler was getting help from aliens and they gave him advanced weapons like plasma rifles...
Some might argue that because the US had "peace negotiations", Nazi Germany did not start the war until they were technologically advanced, but the line "enter the war" means it was going on without US intervention.
So, Kirk reveals to Spock that he is in love with Edith. It must be love, as he has yet to have sex with her. So, there you have it. Does Kirk let her live, and allow the Nazis to potentially win (unlikely) World War II, or does he let her die?
Meanwhile, Bones starts to get better and decides that while he might still be hallucinating, he's decided that Edith isn't part of it. She says she'll be pleased to help him out later, but her "young man" (oh, 30s talk) is taking her to see a Clark Gable movie. Bones surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is. Fun fact: Clark Gable was not an A-List actor in 1930. The shooting script originally said "a Richard Dix movie", but at the last minute they decided that no one would probably remember who he was.
Kirk and Edith head out to the movie theater. He surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is either. I'll need to nitpick this scene. When I watch it, I assume he says "what?" because it was noisy outside. Besides, when they made plans for their date, wouldn't Edith have said she wanted to see the "Clark Gable movie"? But still, it's the 60s; most animated shows are based on one or two jokes and over on some British show, they built the most evil creature with a salt shaker and a toilet plunger.
Upon hearing McCoy's name, Kirk runs back across the street and calls out for Spock. At that moment, Bones comes downstairs. Bro-hugs all around! However, Edith seems lost in a trance as she walks across and gets hit by a truck. With history restored, Kirk, Spock, and Bones are returned to their original time (a few seconds after they left). The Guardian offers more adventures across time...and SPACE!!! But, the Guardian should learn that you never cheat Kirk out of sex. He orders them to leave and the Guardian is neeeeeeever brought up again (probably a good reason).
So, how does City on the Edge of Forever hold up? Well, the dialogue can be a bit cheesy at times and if you have the original version, there's the 60s era production feel to it. But still, I feel this episode is part of the original series at its best. It tackles a fairly deep issue: do you alter history to save someone you love, even if it will mean the deaths of millions? Bill and Leonard turn in solid performances (so much YOU forget...about Kirk's...pauses when SPEAK...ing), and provide some wonderful humour in the policeman scene. I strongly recommend this episode if you're looking for a quiet night of classic Trek in its prime.
Score for the episode: 9/10
 |
| And...over there is where...an augment and his followers will be left to form a new society. His name will be...Khan. |
Back to work, Spock repairs enough of the tricorder to see an obituary for Edith. However, when he shows the display to Kirk, it shows a headline of Edith and FDR having a meeting (no, not that kind of meeting; Edith doesn't seem to be FDR's type). At that moment, the circuitry explodes. They realize that Edith has two possible futures, and Kirk must know whether she is supposed to live or die. After all, he is at Step 5 of Kirk's Long Term Romantic Plan.
Meanwhile, Bones finally shows and startles one of the bums from the soup kitchen. He's still crazy and begins to break down upon thinking about 20th Century medicine, when people were "cut and sewn like garments" (which he'll later see in Star Trek IV). Hey, Bones, no offense, but while it wasn't the best medicine possible, it was still all we had! After he passes out, the bum takes his phaser and accidentally kills himself. Just goes to show how stupid American bums are. Around this time, German bums were hired by the mob to track the child killer Peter Lorre on the streets of Berlin!
In what you'd expect, Bones heads over to the same soup kitchen Kirk and Spock are at. He's taken away by Edith just as Spock enters the room. After that, Spock reveals the true extent of what happens if Edith lives. Her peace movement will influence President Roosevelt and thus delay America's entrance into World War II. Without American involvement, Germany will have enough time to complete the atomic bomb and with the V2 rockets, the Nazis will conquer the world. Before I continue, I'd like to point out that there is a novel out there about McCoy's life after he gets trapped and realizes his mistake when America doesn't enter the war; he ends up getting killed by Japanese occupation forces.
I'd like to say that this scenario is fairly far fetched. One, America did not cause Germany's defeat; it only accelerated it. Hitler lost the war the moment he decided that invading Russia would be a good idea. Two, even if Hitler completed his nukes, the resolve of Churchill and Stalin was so great that (assuming they were at some conference when London and Moscow were destroyed) they would only bide their time while they completed their own nuclear weapons and nuked Berlin in response. Three, the V2 rockets carried a warhead that weighed 2200 pounds. Little Boy, the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, weighed 9000 pounds. As they were first used in 1944, it would have taken a year or two to adapt the rockets to carry a heavier payload (even longer to complete the V3 intercontinental rocket), and with no landing at Normandy, more resources would be sent out to hold the Eastern Front. Unless, of course, Hitler was getting help from aliens and they gave him advanced weapons like plasma rifles...
Some might argue that because the US had "peace negotiations", Nazi Germany did not start the war until they were technologically advanced, but the line "enter the war" means it was going on without US intervention.
So, Kirk reveals to Spock that he is in love with Edith. It must be love, as he has yet to have sex with her. So, there you have it. Does Kirk let her live, and allow the Nazis to potentially win (unlikely) World War II, or does he let her die?
 |
| Wait...aren't movies solely for porn? |
Meanwhile, Bones starts to get better and decides that while he might still be hallucinating, he's decided that Edith isn't part of it. She says she'll be pleased to help him out later, but her "young man" (oh, 30s talk) is taking her to see a Clark Gable movie. Bones surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is. Fun fact: Clark Gable was not an A-List actor in 1930. The shooting script originally said "a Richard Dix movie", but at the last minute they decided that no one would probably remember who he was.
Kirk and Edith head out to the movie theater. He surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is either. I'll need to nitpick this scene. When I watch it, I assume he says "what?" because it was noisy outside. Besides, when they made plans for their date, wouldn't Edith have said she wanted to see the "Clark Gable movie"? But still, it's the 60s; most animated shows are based on one or two jokes and over on some British show, they built the most evil creature with a salt shaker and a toilet plunger.
Upon hearing McCoy's name, Kirk runs back across the street and calls out for Spock. At that moment, Bones comes downstairs. Bro-hugs all around! However, Edith seems lost in a trance as she walks across and gets hit by a truck. With history restored, Kirk, Spock, and Bones are returned to their original time (a few seconds after they left). The Guardian offers more adventures across time...and SPACE!!! But, the Guardian should learn that you never cheat Kirk out of sex. He orders them to leave and the Guardian is neeeeeeever brought up again (probably a good reason).
So, how does City on the Edge of Forever hold up? Well, the dialogue can be a bit cheesy at times and if you have the original version, there's the 60s era production feel to it. But still, I feel this episode is part of the original series at its best. It tackles a fairly deep issue: do you alter history to save someone you love, even if it will mean the deaths of millions? Bill and Leonard turn in solid performances (so much YOU forget...about Kirk's...pauses when SPEAK...ing), and provide some wonderful humour in the policeman scene. I strongly recommend this episode if you're looking for a quiet night of classic Trek in its prime.
Score for the episode: 9/10
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Move Along Home
The year was 1993. While my parents and I were living at my grandmother's, Star Trek: The Next Generation was in its sixth season. During that time, Rick Berman launched a spin-off which would overlap with the series' continuity, giving birth to what would end up proving to be Star Trek's finest series: Deep Space 9. Already, Emissary introduced complex characters, story arcs, and inter-character adversarial relations (although sfdebris already covered Emissary, I might take a look at it later). By its end, while fans would consider it the "black sheep" of the franchise (although it is far superior to the first two seasons of Enterprise), DS9 would prove to be the strongest series in terms of character, plot, writing, and acting.
That being said, Season 1 is most certainly the weakest of the series. I've noticed this with quite a few shows, and to be fair, it is pretty excusable. After all, a show is just starting out, trying to establish characters, settings, direction, etc. However, unlike TNG, VOY, or ENT, DS9 had a significant amount of strong episodes in its first season. These include the pilot, Duet (one of my favorites), Captive Pursuit, Progress, and In The Hands of the Prophets. The "bad" episodes were mostly the result of the writing staff attempting to draw in the TNG audience, resulting in the Duras sisters and Q making guest appearances. While this worked well to establish the continuity (the Enterprise-D made two trips to DS9 during its last two seasons), these episodes...somewhat failed to deliver. For the most part Season 1 of DS9 fell prey to the Alien-of-the-Week Syndrome that mostly plagued TNG, damaged Voyager, and paralyzed Enterprise. With that, let's get to Move Along Home.
The episode opens with Ben putting on his dress uniform. Jake comes in and begins talking about his friendship with Nog, especially how they're starting to watch the Bajoran girls come to the station. Ben and Jake begin "the talk" (which my father and I never had, because I mostly taught myself thanks to TV and the internet). I don't know, Ben seems to be taking the first hint that Jake might grow up to be a stalker a little too leniently. Anyway, they're interrupted by the com-system. As it turns out, DS9 is receiving the first official delegation from the Gamma Quadrant. No, it's not a platoon of Jem'Hadar. They won't come in until next year, when the show manages to emerge from the shadow of TNG.
Ben heads down to the airlock with Kira, Jadzia, and Bashir. Bashir is fretting that he forgot to pack his dress uniform. Odd, considering they've been on the station for a few months at least and he hasn't even replicated a new uniform. The Aliens-of-the-Week arrive. They're called the Wadi, but as they love games, I'm just going to call them gamers. Gaming is my way of life, and hopefully I will be able to find work within the gaming community after I graduate. So many worlds to create, campaigns to build, Allied ships to sink, stone to collect...
Where was I? Oh yes. The gamers head off in search of Quark's, as it's the only place on the station for games. You kind of would think things like DnD and World of Darkness would survive well into the 24th Century. Ben feels a sense of shame, as this is again the first diplomatic meeting from the Gamma Quadrant and it's nothing like how it should go in the book. You know what you do when you face a planet of gamers, Ben? You challenge them to a game! When in Rome, do as the Romans do (a phrase which no alien has yet to understand)! But, he decides he's had enough sulking and heads to bed so he can have "the talk" with Jake in the morning.
Meanwhile, Quark is getting worried because the gamers are winning at dabo (which is essentially Ferengi roulette). News flash, Quark: there is no game that a group of students who spend Friday nights fighting orcs and collecting gold cannot master. He tries to do what a Ferengi always does: cheat. Of course, it's noticed and the gamers threaten Quark. The cheating bastard! They restrain him, but he is able to talk his way out of being thrown out the nearest airlock. They challenge him to a new game. The name of it doesn't really matter. I'm just going to call it a family friendly version of Cube.
Ben wakes up in what is not a giant Rubik's cube of death and does the exact opposite of the Voyager crew when confronted with something bizarre: he exercises all possibilities like calling Ops before opening his tricorder. He tries the doors and sees the gamemaster who cryptically says "move along home!" Ben hurries down the hallway to find early show Bashir screaming (it's what early show Bashir is best at). They also find Kira and Jadzia in the hallway, realizing this is not normal at all. They decide to split up and see what they can discover. Alright, guys: first rule of gaming is you never split up the party!
In the morning, Jake heads down to see Odo. It seems that Ben disappeared. Odo tells Jake he'll find his dad, after which the glorified guest star of DS9 heads off to watch girls come aboard the station. Ben, when you're done RPing, you better have a chat with your son about how stalking is wrong. Anyway, Odo begins to investigate as any detective would. He goes up to Ops, where Lieutenant Primmin is not the least bit concerned that four members of the senior staff failed to show up for duty. Wow, what incompetence. We all know what happens to incompetent members of Sisko's crew: they get shipped off toSiberia the USS Voyager!
Remember how I compared this episode to Cube earlier? Well, fun fact: the math girl in the first movie ended up playing Ezri in Season 7. Here's another tidbit: they had only one cube set for the entire shoot. All scenes in cubes with a specific color had to be filmed altogether, as it was incredibly time-consuming to remove the gel sheets from the walls of the cube. The first film was one of the most terrifying things I saw. I know the sequels were released after 2000, but I hope the Nostalgia Critic reviews them. What ruined those two was revealing the outside world to the people inside the Cube, and showing how the thing worked. What made it terrifying was that it was so unknown.
Why am I talking about Cube? Because anyone of the trap scenes was better than the scene I need to discuss now. It is one of the scenes that may qualify as the worst moment in Star Trek, and probably when the actors had doubts on whether they made the right choice to be on DS9.
Was that painful? I hope it was. Take solace in the fact that DS9 got much better after this.
Odo goes down to the bar to check on Quark, who is...winning? I think? Anyway, Odo reveals that four senior officers are missing, and then Quark eyes the four pieces on the game board. Thus, they realize that this is more than a game.
Meanwhile, Sisko and the others head into the room that is filled with sound-activated spikes, oh wait, sorry, a room full of partying gamers. The room begins filled with some kind of gas and the gamers are just laughing about. Bashir takes a wild guess and discovers that the drinks the gamers have are actually the antidote. After this, Odo heads aboard the Wadi ship to try to find the crewmembers. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the last we'll ever see of Lieutenant Primmin before he was shipped off to die on the USS Voyager.
Odo finds a bizarre chamber, but it's a subspace...flux...portal...thing...and it just sends him back to Quark's. He arrives just in time to see Quark roll a natural one on his die. Back in the Rubik's Cube of Death, they activate the light room and Bashir is whisked away somewhere. Back in his bar, Quark realizes the stakes here. He decides to take the shorter path (which will double the peril, but double his winnings and get them "home" in one turn). He gets Odo to blow on his dice (which you should never do in game). Unfortunately, our Lord and Savior, Gary Gygax, is not with him tonight and he rolls another natural one. Meaning...someone's going to die!
What follows is a bit of Quark kneeling before the gamemaster, saying he'll never cheat again. I'll admit, this is a nice bit of characterization, showing that Quark does have something resembling a conscious within that four-lobed brain of his. Sadly, this nice little moment cannot save an episode this stupid. The gamemaster programs the game to select a player to be killed. Back in the Cube, Ben, Kira, and Jadzia here Bashir...somewhere. They run towards him but find a massive cave instead. What kind of game is this, with caves built into Rubik's Cubes of Death?
Anyway, they all fall down into a cavern and the four materialize in Quark's. Quark assumes he's won, but this actually means he lost. Damn, don't you hate it when you failed the quest? The girl dies, you don't get as much experience or gold. I hate it when that happens...
So, the gamers pack up and leave. Because of Quark being on his knees, saying that he cheated, Odo reveals to Ben who started this all. Ben ends the episode with a look that he's about to bitchslap the hell out of Quark, before throwing him into the nearest airlock. But, as is with all aliens-of-the-week episodes, the gamers head off on their ship and are neeeeeeeeever seen or heard from again. I have a theory that they might work as strategists in the Dominion military, but that is a matter for the writers of fanfics, like me.
This episode is a classic example of how boring and stupid early DS9 was. But, I can't really blame them. Despite its flaws, TNG was still the better watched show and it was difficult to bring in audience members. The episodes with the Duras sisters and Q were a bit more painful to sit through, as anyone could have filled their roles in the respective episodes (though, the Duras episode did have the first appearance of Garak...). Still, I can forgive the writers and producers who greenlit this piece. After all, by the end of next season, we would have an explosive intro to what would be Star Trek's finest story arc: the Dominion conflict.
Score for this episode: 3/10
That being said, Season 1 is most certainly the weakest of the series. I've noticed this with quite a few shows, and to be fair, it is pretty excusable. After all, a show is just starting out, trying to establish characters, settings, direction, etc. However, unlike TNG, VOY, or ENT, DS9 had a significant amount of strong episodes in its first season. These include the pilot, Duet (one of my favorites), Captive Pursuit, Progress, and In The Hands of the Prophets. The "bad" episodes were mostly the result of the writing staff attempting to draw in the TNG audience, resulting in the Duras sisters and Q making guest appearances. While this worked well to establish the continuity (the Enterprise-D made two trips to DS9 during its last two seasons), these episodes...somewhat failed to deliver. For the most part Season 1 of DS9 fell prey to the Alien-of-the-Week Syndrome that mostly plagued TNG, damaged Voyager, and paralyzed Enterprise. With that, let's get to Move Along Home.
The episode opens with Ben putting on his dress uniform. Jake comes in and begins talking about his friendship with Nog, especially how they're starting to watch the Bajoran girls come to the station. Ben and Jake begin "the talk" (which my father and I never had, because I mostly taught myself thanks to TV and the internet). I don't know, Ben seems to be taking the first hint that Jake might grow up to be a stalker a little too leniently. Anyway, they're interrupted by the com-system. As it turns out, DS9 is receiving the first official delegation from the Gamma Quadrant. No, it's not a platoon of Jem'Hadar. They won't come in until next year, when the show manages to emerge from the shadow of TNG.
Ben heads down to the airlock with Kira, Jadzia, and Bashir. Bashir is fretting that he forgot to pack his dress uniform. Odd, considering they've been on the station for a few months at least and he hasn't even replicated a new uniform. The Aliens-of-the-Week arrive. They're called the Wadi, but as they love games, I'm just going to call them gamers. Gaming is my way of life, and hopefully I will be able to find work within the gaming community after I graduate. So many worlds to create, campaigns to build, Allied ships to sink, stone to collect...
 |
| The Wadi. They have +5 to diplomacy, +6 to intelligence, and -5 to fashion and makeup. |
Where was I? Oh yes. The gamers head off in search of Quark's, as it's the only place on the station for games. You kind of would think things like DnD and World of Darkness would survive well into the 24th Century. Ben feels a sense of shame, as this is again the first diplomatic meeting from the Gamma Quadrant and it's nothing like how it should go in the book. You know what you do when you face a planet of gamers, Ben? You challenge them to a game! When in Rome, do as the Romans do (a phrase which no alien has yet to understand)! But, he decides he's had enough sulking and heads to bed so he can have "the talk" with Jake in the morning.
Meanwhile, Quark is getting worried because the gamers are winning at dabo (which is essentially Ferengi roulette). News flash, Quark: there is no game that a group of students who spend Friday nights fighting orcs and collecting gold cannot master. He tries to do what a Ferengi always does: cheat. Of course, it's noticed and the gamers threaten Quark. The cheating bastard! They restrain him, but he is able to talk his way out of being thrown out the nearest airlock. They challenge him to a new game. The name of it doesn't really matter. I'm just going to call it a family friendly version of Cube.
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| You awaken in a dungeon! Confronting you is... a dragon! |
In the morning, Jake heads down to see Odo. It seems that Ben disappeared. Odo tells Jake he'll find his dad, after which the glorified guest star of DS9 heads off to watch girls come aboard the station. Ben, when you're done RPing, you better have a chat with your son about how stalking is wrong. Anyway, Odo begins to investigate as any detective would. He goes up to Ops, where Lieutenant Primmin is not the least bit concerned that four members of the senior staff failed to show up for duty. Wow, what incompetence. We all know what happens to incompetent members of Sisko's crew: they get shipped off to
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| No, Commissar! I wasn't saying unflattering things about Comrade Sisko! |
Why am I talking about Cube? Because anyone of the trap scenes was better than the scene I need to discuss now. It is one of the scenes that may qualify as the worst moment in Star Trek, and probably when the actors had doubts on whether they made the right choice to be on DS9.
Was that painful? I hope it was. Take solace in the fact that DS9 got much better after this.
Odo goes down to the bar to check on Quark, who is...winning? I think? Anyway, Odo reveals that four senior officers are missing, and then Quark eyes the four pieces on the game board. Thus, they realize that this is more than a game.
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| I want to go back to the Blue Room! I don't like the red ones. |
Meanwhile, Sisko and the others head into the room that is filled with sound-activated spikes, oh wait, sorry, a room full of partying gamers. The room begins filled with some kind of gas and the gamers are just laughing about. Bashir takes a wild guess and discovers that the drinks the gamers have are actually the antidote. After this, Odo heads aboard the Wadi ship to try to find the crewmembers. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the last we'll ever see of Lieutenant Primmin before he was shipped off to die on the USS Voyager.
Odo finds a bizarre chamber, but it's a subspace...flux...portal...thing...and it just sends him back to Quark's. He arrives just in time to see Quark roll a natural one on his die. Back in the Rubik's Cube of Death, they activate the light room and Bashir is whisked away somewhere. Back in his bar, Quark realizes the stakes here. He decides to take the shorter path (which will double the peril, but double his winnings and get them "home" in one turn). He gets Odo to blow on his dice (which you should never do in game). Unfortunately, our Lord and Savior, Gary Gygax, is not with him tonight and he rolls another natural one. Meaning...someone's going to die!
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| No! I'll never be a pain in Makeup again! |
Anyway, they all fall down into a cavern and the four materialize in Quark's. Quark assumes he's won, but this actually means he lost. Damn, don't you hate it when you failed the quest? The girl dies, you don't get as much experience or gold. I hate it when that happens...
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| I'll tell YOU how much gold I'll be getting for this adventure! |
This episode is a classic example of how boring and stupid early DS9 was. But, I can't really blame them. Despite its flaws, TNG was still the better watched show and it was difficult to bring in audience members. The episodes with the Duras sisters and Q were a bit more painful to sit through, as anyone could have filled their roles in the respective episodes (though, the Duras episode did have the first appearance of Garak...). Still, I can forgive the writers and producers who greenlit this piece. After all, by the end of next season, we would have an explosive intro to what would be Star Trek's finest story arc: the Dominion conflict.
Score for this episode: 3/10
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Profit and Lace
For a franchise that has been known for bringing attention to social issues such as segregation and the effects of war, there is one field Star Trek has somewhat failed to deliver in: homosexuality.
Since TNG, there had been plans for gay characters on the shows, such as Geordi and Malcolm from Enterprise, but these plans never came to light. Personally, I think it would have been better if they had a lesbian character; after all, lesbians are a bit more mainstream in media and far more appealing to sexually-deprived teenage males.
Of course, as it is the 24th Century, I have the theory that by then, homosexuality has become so commonplace in human and Federation society that it is a non-issue. But then, I realized that there have been homosexual characters on Star Trek: the Ferengi! According to one of the Rules of Acquisition, you should always have sex with the boss. As only men could make profit, and all the bosses were men…uh, you can draw your own conclusions.
Now then, I am going to be upfront and say that I enjoyed the Ferengi episodes of DS9, which is my favorite Trek series. In a series that explored the darker elements of the Alpha Quadrant, the Ferengi episodes provided some much needed levity during the Dominion infiltration and Klingon war arcs. That being said, I’ve noticed that there is one Ferengi episode that is nearly as universally hated as Threshold, quite possibly the worst episode of DS9 (I’ve seen all of DS9, and I felt it had much fewer bad episodes; most episodes that would qualify as “bad” were just boring). Is “Profit and Lace” as bad as people make it out to be? Well, let’s find out!
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| Just don't read the fine-r print. |
The episode opens with Quark doing what he does best: soliciting sex from his Dabo girls. However, he is cockblocked by his brother, Rom. I will go on record saying that Rom is one of my favorite DS9 characters, alongside Damar, Garak, Dukat, Weyoun, Martok…
Rom says that he tried to contact their mother on Ferenginar, but all communications were down. He could not contact anyone on their homeworld. They immediately suspect the worst: the Dominion attacked Ferenginar! Oh no! Think of all the atrocities they can commit with the damp vegetation, the ketracel-white produced by beetle snuff, the impressive slave labor at the backs of the Ferengi!
And at the conclusion of this scene which is the only time we'll really see any other of the main cast (it is a Ferengi episode, after all), we learn that Zek and Quark's mother, Ishka, have arrived at the station. Well Ben, Worf, Jadzia, and Nerys, thanks for at the very least reminding us that there is a war going on.
As it turns out, a few days ago, Zek instituted an amendment to the Ferengi Bill of Opportunities. It permitted women to wear clothing. However, for 10,000 years, Ferengi society has been incredibly male-oriented and women were not even allowed to leave the house. Pretty much think turn-of-the-century America, but with far more oppression of women. So, Zek's sudden addition to the Bill ofRights Opportunities has caused such an uproar that the entire planetary social network to shut down.
For the most part, I enjoyed the Ferengi Social Legislation Arc of DS9. It helped represent things like women's suffrage and the progressive movement. Still, I am deeply surprised the idea did not come to any of the male Ferengi sooner, that if women can earn profit, the economy will be far stronger. But, for all we know, a bunch of old sticks-in-the-mud assassinated those Ferengi. Anyway, it turns out that the Ferengi Commerce Authority has overthrown Zek and is set to install Brunt as the new Grand Nagus. Brunt has been described by his actor, the amazing Jeffrey Combs, as the "IRS guy from Hell".
Zek's plan is to contact every member of the FCA to discuss his new amendment. Then, Ishka will run the meeting. If they can get one of the board members to listen to Ishka's vast instinct for profit, he might be able to halt the installation of Brunt. We then get a montage of Quark, Rom, and Nog (Rom's son, the first Ferengi in Starfleet) contacting all the board members and not hearing the people on the screens. This scene is good; the conversations go from optimistic to "oh crap" in the span of seconds.
After what we assume to be hours, Quark, Rom, and Nog are only able to get one board member to come to the station. It's the owner of Ferengi Coca-Cola. Then, Brunt enters the bar. We keep the running joke of Acting Grand Nagus Brunt before he begins breaking Rule of Evil #47: NEVER taunt your opposition. It only serves to strengthen their resolve. With that, Quark has an argument with Ishka. Being the least progressive character in Star Trek history, Quark tries to show authority over his own mother (how does that work?) to the point she has a heart attack. No, literally, she has a heart attack.
Brunt proceeds to rub it in, only further strengthening their resolve to make this work. Quark is guilt ridden about this, which leads him to agree that the plan must succeed. But, with the female gone, how will they find another one who is just as business savvy as Ishka? Sadly, they call on the talents of Doctor Bashir (who also directed this episode). Bashir uses his never-before mentioned skills at sex-change operations (no, I don't mean a simple cosmetic surgery; I mean complete male-to-female holy-crap-he-went-all-the-way) to produce within a few hours (what usually takes months of preparation)...this.
I'm sorry, but it is just nauseating to see Quark in drag like this. Dressing in drag is one of those things that should be either funny or serious, not both. If it's completely funny, you have Some Like It Hot. If it's completely serious, you have someone exploring the gender gap. The problem here is seeing a character who has been a staple of the program for six years wearing something so...unbelievably hideous...trying to do a comedic bit while tackling an enormous issue for Ferengi society. If this episode went all the way with comedy, it might have been good. If it went all the way with seriousness, it would have been better. Rules of Acquisition pulled off the drag bit by having it be completely serious. This is trying to be both, and fails.
As it turns out, a few days ago, Zek instituted an amendment to the Ferengi Bill of Opportunities. It permitted women to wear clothing. However, for 10,000 years, Ferengi society has been incredibly male-oriented and women were not even allowed to leave the house. Pretty much think turn-of-the-century America, but with far more oppression of women. So, Zek's sudden addition to the Bill of
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| Grand Nagus Brunt? Inconceivable! |
Zek's plan is to contact every member of the FCA to discuss his new amendment. Then, Ishka will run the meeting. If they can get one of the board members to listen to Ishka's vast instinct for profit, he might be able to halt the installation of Brunt. We then get a montage of Quark, Rom, and Nog (Rom's son, the first Ferengi in Starfleet) contacting all the board members and not hearing the people on the screens. This scene is good; the conversations go from optimistic to "oh crap" in the span of seconds.
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| Grr! Two alien roles on one show. What's next? Blue skin and a set of antennae? |
After what we assume to be hours, Quark, Rom, and Nog are only able to get one board member to come to the station. It's the owner of Ferengi Coca-Cola. Then, Brunt enters the bar. We keep the running joke of Acting Grand Nagus Brunt before he begins breaking Rule of Evil #47: NEVER taunt your opposition. It only serves to strengthen their resolve. With that, Quark has an argument with Ishka. Being the least progressive character in Star Trek history, Quark tries to show authority over his own mother (how does that work?) to the point she has a heart attack. No, literally, she has a heart attack.
Brunt proceeds to rub it in, only further strengthening their resolve to make this work. Quark is guilt ridden about this, which leads him to agree that the plan must succeed. But, with the female gone, how will they find another one who is just as business savvy as Ishka? Sadly, they call on the talents of Doctor Bashir (who also directed this episode). Bashir uses his never-before mentioned skills at sex-change operations (no, I don't mean a simple cosmetic surgery; I mean complete male-to-female holy-crap-he-went-all-the-way) to produce within a few hours (what usually takes months of preparation)...this.
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| Hail, hail Robonia, a land I didn't make up! |
What follows is some attempts at comedy of having Zek, Leeta, and Rom teach Quark in the art of being a woman. Rom shows off his effeminate side (remember how I said the Ferengi are the first gay race?), but he lacks the knowledge for profit to pull off being the female that is needed. Then, oh no! The board member has arrived a day early!
Nog tries to stall for time with the board member, but he wants to see the female. We then get what sends this episode into the ground. Quark speaks with the board member about how women wearing clothes will improve Ferengi society. After a while, he only wants to get into Quark's panties. However, Brunt has realized that Quark is cross-dressing and tries to tell the board member. Quark responds by...opening his dress. I guess he went all the way for what would be at most a day.
After a night that is best left out of our imagination, Quark is right back to normal, with some hormonal imbalances that will ease up soon and a life-changing experience that will neeeeeeeeever be brought up again. Odo enters. I like Odo and Quark's rivalry that spanned the entire series. We get Quark still being a little femmy and this look of discomfort on Odo's face. And just like the hormones, this will neeeeeeeeeever be spoken of ever again. This marks one of the few times on DS9 when they will follow Voyager's example of not bringing up defining character moments (the other one that comes to mind is O'Brien's 20 years in prison).
Zek and Ishka enter, revealing that the board has decided to keep Zek as Grand Nagus. The plan worked. Ishka tells Quark he made a wonderful daughter (from not even witnessing Quark's action). He has some character traits which will disappear through the wormhole, up until the penultimate episode when Ferengi society changes forever and he essentially stays a stick-in-the-mud.
Well, that was a bit painful. This episode could have been good. Ferengi society is changing for the better, and they try to be serious and comedic with it. Neither can be used at the same time when you involve cross-dressing. It needs to be either comedic or serious. One last thing: this was the last thing Alexander Siddig directed not just on Deep Space 9, but ever. He never directed again afterwards. I wonder why...
Score as a GPA: 1.5
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| Oh, Rene! I asked for a raise and this was their response?! |
After a night that is best left out of our imagination, Quark is right back to normal, with some hormonal imbalances that will ease up soon and a life-changing experience that will neeeeeeeeever be brought up again. Odo enters. I like Odo and Quark's rivalry that spanned the entire series. We get Quark still being a little femmy and this look of discomfort on Odo's face. And just like the hormones, this will neeeeeeeeeever be spoken of ever again. This marks one of the few times on DS9 when they will follow Voyager's example of not bringing up defining character moments (the other one that comes to mind is O'Brien's 20 years in prison).
Zek and Ishka enter, revealing that the board has decided to keep Zek as Grand Nagus. The plan worked. Ishka tells Quark he made a wonderful daughter (from not even witnessing Quark's action). He has some character traits which will disappear through the wormhole, up until the penultimate episode when Ferengi society changes forever and he essentially stays a stick-in-the-mud.
Well, that was a bit painful. This episode could have been good. Ferengi society is changing for the better, and they try to be serious and comedic with it. Neither can be used at the same time when you involve cross-dressing. It needs to be either comedic or serious. One last thing: this was the last thing Alexander Siddig directed not just on Deep Space 9, but ever. He never directed again afterwards. I wonder why...
Score as a GPA: 1.5
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Announcement
The review this week will be postponed while ScarletFaerie and I experiment with a video review.
Next week:
Profit and Lace
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Next week:
Profit and Lace
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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