Balance of Terror

So, yeah. It's been a few weeks. How about we just jump right in then with another of my TOS favorites?

"Balance of Terror" is a remake of the WWII film The Enemy Below, starring Robert Mitchum and future-Bond villain Curt Jurgens. The basic plot is that an American destroyer is engaged in a deadly battle of wits with a German U-boat, something that happened all too often during the war. As Star Trek is something that uses real life events in its storytelling, a submarine story is not all that out of possibility. After all, space is an ocean (3D, not 2D) and the show does have a fairly strong naval emphasis (well, depends on whether or not Gene was writing that week).

As neither of you are wearing red uniforms,
may I wish you a long and happy life together.

The episode opens with Kirk and company in the ship's chapel. It's long before Gene decided that humanity becomes a race of atheists. Personally, I think all the major religions of today survive, but as a way of instilling a form of moral conduct. After all, the existence of aliens would more or less disprove the notion of the Judeo-Christian God, but why not keep those parts of the Torah, the Bible, and the Qur'an that teach tolerance and love, especially when you're trying to have humanity not be complete pricks anymore? Back from my ramblings, Kirk, as the ship's master and commander, is officiating a wedding between two of his crewmen. One of them is hinted to be Catholic, as she genuflected before the altar. This goes back to Gene's vision of an idealized future where black women, Asian, and now even Catholics (minorities who were not that popular with 1960s America) would work together on Earth's flagship.


Just before the wedding, Kirk gets a message from Spock that two Starfleet outposts on the Neutral Zone have gone silent. In the middle of the ceremony, red alert is sounded and all hands go to battlestations. Another outpost is under attack. Time for all crew to actually run to their stations and not jog lightly!

Damn, the viewscreen is in window mode!

The next scene mostly serves as exposition, and I'd like to say it's handled well, but Spock's line "As you know from your history books..." kind of ruins it. Anyway, he recounts the history of the Romulan hostilities with Earth (it's still before TOS established the existence of the Federation). The way he paints the Earth-Romulan War is...fairly graphic. He says that the ships of those days were "primitive space vessels with primitive atomic weapons" and had "no ship-to-ship visual communications" that allowed no quarter. Considering "no quarter" is outlawed by the Hague conventions, this war must have been brutal. Of course, Enterprise more or less ruined all of this by having the NX-01 appear more advanced that the NCC-1701, armed with photon torpedoes and not nuclear missiles, and equipped with a viewscreen that the Romulans "clearly" did not yet invent. Seriously, the Romulans on Enterprise had warp drive, but couldn't come up with two-way visual communications?


Kirk declares that, for the sake of preserving the treaty and the Neutral Zone, the ship and crew are expendable. Not just the redshirts, mind you. All of them. Even Kirk himself, one of Starfleet's best. Anyway, the navigator, Lieutenant Stiles, tells Kirk that because the Romulans have clearly violated the Neutral Zone and should be destroyed while they're still on the Federation side. Kirk follows-up and learns Stiles' family history, particularly that he had nearly a dozen ancestors who fought and died during the Romulan War. He concludes with a sign of his awesomeness, by reminding Stiles that it was their war. Meanwhile, Spock scans the outpost asteroids that went silent, finding them to have been pulverized. They catch up to the nearest intact outpost, which is quickly attacked again by the Romulan ship and destroyed.


Remember what I said about the introduction of the Cardassians? Well, I must say that the Romulans also get a grand introduction. Sure, they use modern Earth ranks (and even a Roman one), but still we do get a sense that they are a force to be reckoned with. The Earth outposts are described as being so heavily defended, yet a single burst can obliterate them. After destroying it, the Romulans leisurely head back to their space and after some Red Scare-paranoia from Stiles, we get our first look at them, with a shocking twist: the Romulans are nearly identical to Vulcans!


Fun fact: the Romulans were initially slated to be the primary foe of the Federation, Gene's equivalent to the Soviet Union. Oddly, it turned out their make-up was too much, so they went with the easier Klingons later. Who would have thought that twenty years later, the Klingons would have the most extensive make-up job? Back to the episode.

It's a long way to Tipperary...

Naturally, Stiles becomes paranoid of Spock, giving the non-subtle hint that Spock might be a Romulan spy. You know, if Earth had no idea what Romulans look like, then Spock would have no idea they were an off-shoot of Vulcans. The look of surprise on his face is quite priceless. Anyway, following a beautiful underbelly shot of the ship, we get our first look at the new villains. The Commander, played by Mark Leonard (who will play Spock's father), is cynical about the mission and wishes destruction upon the ship before they return home, as he knows returning with proof of Earth's weaknesses will just bring about a new war. Yes, it's nearly twenty years before it was made, but he is very much like Jurgen Prochnow's captain in Das Boot.


On the Enterprise, Spock inspects the "hardest substance known to science" (I wish I had a nickel for every time they say it's the hardest substance...). Kirk discusses the matter with his officers, asking if they can engage with a reasonable shot at victory. Scotty says that it's probable, as the Romulans are at impulse. I must applaud this line, as it goes back to the U-boat story. For those who don't know, a U-boat's top speed while surfaced was about 20 knots. When submerged, their top speed was a mere fraction of that. Of course, the Romulans would have warp drive in order to cross the vast interstellar distances. But while cloaked, it won't work.


They come across a comet, and of course, in deep space far from any stars, a comet has a stunning tail. The Romulans head into it with the intent of turning back on the Enterprise while Kirk goes to the far side of its tail to trap the intruder. However, neither plan truly works and Kirk is forced to blindly shoot at the Romulans, killing the ship's Centurion. Then...possibly the only flaw of the episode. The Romulans get a plasma shot off at the Enterprise and Kirk orders full reverse...at warp speed. Even though we never again see them reversing at warp (except maybe in some more TOS), Kirk does not alter course to dodge the plasma! When a destroyer captain saw a torpedo coming towards him, his first impulse was to turn away from it, not go full reverse and hope it would run out of power to its motor! Though, even WWII torpedoes weren't as reliable at times...


So, the Romulan commander tries to jettison debris, including the dead body of the Centurion, in an attempt to fool the Enterprise into thinking they're destroyed. Of course, because of his levels of awesomeness, Kirk is not fooled. For several hours, the Enterprise plays dead to lure the Romulans in for attack. The Romulans do the same. In his quarters, Kirk and McCoy play out a scene almost identical to one from the original pilot "The Cage", where Kirk goes on about doubting himself. McCoy seems to have had all his whiskey, but still provides Kirk with advice: in all the universe, there is still only one of each of us. Pretty nice words.

Yeah, don't ask why Uhura's at the nav-console.

Naturally, the episode has to end. We get a pretty intense showdown between Enterprise and the Romulans. Even with all his trickery, the Romulan commander is still out-gunned. He opens visual contact briefly, and there's a nice bit where he and Kirk respect each other. I always love it when enemy commanders are able to salute each other. The Romulan even says that "in a different reality, I may have called you...friend". With that, he blows up his ship. In spite of the attacks, there is only one fatality. No, it's not the bigot. It's the guy who was going to get married! Tell me you didn't see that coming!


Overall, I love this episode. It has a good steady pace, the action is very engaging, and we get some good character moments from Kirk, particularly when he doubts himself. I also loved the bit between him and the Romulan commander, like what would have happened if Montgomery and Rommel ever directly contacted each other (but not Patton, because Patton never commanded directly opposite Rommel). It's one of those few times in which the "recycled plot IN SPACE!!!" works extremely well. I say that having watched "The Enemy Below", and found this episode to be an improvement.


Final Score: 10/10

Update

To those of you who have been wondering, I am currently on vacation with limited internet access. I get back on the 18th and will start up my blog again, with reviews of Judgement, Journey's End, and others.

Endgame, Part II

This episode is difficult to sit through again. Immediately upon seeing her future self, Captain KATHRYN Janeway beams her onboard. While Voyager was lost well before the infiltration abilities of the Founders became a significant threat, this scene shows how naive Janeway is. She beams over what appears to be a future version of herself and instantly accepts it, instead of isolating her and submitting her to rigorous screening to determine who she is. When Sela appeared in "Redemption, Part 2", Picard was stunned and did not invite her aboard until he learned all he could about the daughter of Tasha.

I feeeeeeeeeeeeel you, Chakooooootay...

So, the two Janeways begin talking, with Future-Kate revealing how Voyager's a museum in San Francisco. Current-Kate doesn't want to hear about it: the Temporal Prime Directive. Kate has no problem spreading Starfleet's ideals with the power of a phaser, but altering the timeline is where she stops. Wow. She destroyed the Caretaker array without a moment's hesitation, and that was a way for them to come home at once. Years later, she has another opportunity, and doesn't want to take it.

Allow me to diverge a moment to Battlestar Galactica, the show which I consider to be "Voyager, but with Ron Moore". At the end of Season 1, the fleet finds the legendary world of Kobol, the homeworld of humanity. Commander Adama, the military head, orders Starbuck to lead a mission to destroy the Cylon basestar in orbit. However, President Roslin, the political head, convinces Starbuck to jump all the way back to Caprica to retrieve an artifact that could potentially lead them to Earth. Outraged at this insubordination, Adama launches a military coup to remove Roslin from power.

Point is, there comes a time in which you need to start questioning your commander's orders. At any given moment during the seven years of Voyager's run, Chakotay and Tuvok should have come to realize that Janeway was hampering their journey and removed her from command. Not using the transwarp drive to get back? Not further examining the slipstream and trying to use it for shorter jumps? Not kissing Q's shoes and begging to be sent home? Anyone of these occurrences should have made the two most competent people on board realize that Janeway's leadership was compromised.

So, after finally verifying her older self (during which the Admiral had plenty of time to sabotage stuff), Admiral Janeway helps Voyager install her future anti-Borg tech, which includes armor and new super-torpedoes. Pay excellent attention to this technology, because even though it is astonishing, it is never seen, mentioned, or used in Nemesis. Seven goes to regenerate and has a vision of the Borg Queen, who tells her that Voyager must avoid the nebula or be destroyed. You know, I must question the tactics of the Borg. I know they are machines and value efficiency, but Voyager has been a thorn in their side for the last three years and now they're heading for a high-security area. Shouldn't the Borg send upwards of fifty cubes to deal with Janeway once and for all? Oh, and there is more stupidity coming up.

We get two filler scenes. I kinda like these two, because it shows the anticipation they have of getting home. However, at the same time, they're praying "Oh God, please don't make Janeway turn this ship around! I told my kid I'd be there for his fifth birthday...seven years ago!" The Chakotay and Seven romance...continues to be out of nowhere. Weren't fans always bettering on Janeway getting with Chakotay? Tom and B'Elanna also get a scene, where she worries she'll deliver in Starfleet Medical instead of sickbay. Eh, moving on.

All Borg to stations. T-minus ten years to
invasion of Earth.

Voyager arrives in the nebula and begins pounding the crap out of the Borg. I mean...wow. A single torpedo is enough to destroy a cube and the armour is impenetrable. You know, these weapons would have been extremely useful a year later when the Enterprise-E was getting its arse kicked by Shinzon. But nope. I guess Starfleet decided to hide these terrible weapons, out of fear for Janeway keeping her hands on them. Another way to help was to give her a desk.

So, they make it to the center of the nebula and find...the most baffling plot hole in Star Trek. Specifically, a transwarp hub that can send the Borg to anywhere in the galaxy within minutes. There are evidently six in the galaxy, with none in the Alpha Quadrant but exit points. Future-Janeway just wants them to use it, but Captain Janeway orders them to leave.

1) Why didn't the Borg use this when they tried to invade Earth, with maybe a hundred ships?
2) Why did Seven tell Janeway there were six and yet later we see four?
3) Why does one of the hubs appear to be the Alpha Quadrant?
4) Why is Future-Janeway so adamantly against destroying a strategic advantage?

Most of these are not answered. The Janeways begin debating whether or not they should destroy the hub. Captain J wants to destroy it and stay in the Delta Quadrant, but the Admiral says that Seven will die in three years. In addition, her death will devastate her husband, Chakotay, who will be devoted to getting Voyager home and then commit suicide after they get there. I have to ask Admiral Janeway why she is so upset that she trying to change the future deaths of 22 additional crewmen before getting home. Losing someone under your command is the biggest nightmare of any command officer in a military. However, aren't you supposed to learn so you don't lose people in the future? Also, Picard, Kirk, and Sisko lost hundreds of people under their command. You never saw them trying to change the past to save them. Especially Sisko! He lost thousands of people and his own bloody ship during the Dominion War! Why didn't he try to change the past? BECAUSE YOU BLOODY WELL SHOULD NOT CHANGE THE PAST!!! GAH!!!

We will scan every star system until we find Earth.
So say we all.

Anyway, the crew works out a plan to destroy the hub, but Voyager will be stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Harry proceeds to make a speech that it's the journey that matters. I don't know, I think the destination has extraordinary significance. Again, in Battlestar Galactica, Adama made a big speech about how they were going to find Earth and it was going to be their new home. The next four seasons had them dodging Cylon attacks and love triangles, but none of that fully mattered since they knew they were going to find Earth. The destination was a symbol of hope and they were willing to back-stab each other to get there.

Back to "BSG sans Ron Moore", the Janeways finally get the idea to use the conduit to get to Earth and destroy it at the same time. Even I came up with that while first watching the episode! After Admiral Janeway flies off to atone for her sins initiate stage one, we get a scene with Seven and Chakotay. Still no idea where this romance comes from! Honestly?! Where?! Meanwhile, B'elanna is going into labor. Interesting how Tom even took part in the betting pool on when his child was going to be born. Maybe I'm nitpicking, but this episode is so stupid I just want it to be over.

Admiral Janeway confronts the Borg Queen and offers to help them in exchange for the Borg dragging Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant. Hmm. Interesting thought that none of the officers have gotten. If they destroy the transwarp network...could that make the Borg so angry that they will throw every single cube they have at Earth?! Amazing. The Federation is still recovering from the Dominion War; I don't think they could survive a massive retaliatory strike against the Alpha Quadrant. But oh well. Admiral Janeway is assimilated (following a one-liner) and infects the Borg with a pathogen that disrupts the Hive Mind. Okay, maybe this will keep the Borg off-balance long enough for the Federation to get ready...wait, whatever happened to the Rebel Borg from Unimatrix Zero...

Tight formation, boys, until we can beam a security team
to capture Janeway.

So, Voyager fires torpedoes and the transwarp network begins to collapse. They hide inside a Borg sphere and emerge in front of a Starfleet armada less than a lightyear from Earth. Remember what I said about why the Borg didn't use this network to send a hundred cubes to Earth instead of one cube and giving Starfleet time to ready its defenses? The Borg: they have all the cold logic of a machine...and yet no logic at all! And so, Voyager gets back, the Paris' daughter is born, and the show ends with the ship arriving at Earth. Yep, it just ends. We never see the crew react to seeing Earth once again. We never see them beam down and be welcomed by Starfleet and their families. It just ends.

This...

Was...

CRAP!

Not as bad as the finale of Enterprise, but still it was crap! There were enough plotholes to sink a ship and once again the Borg are reduced to techno-zombies that can be destroyed if you fire enough lead into them. They are finally and totally destroyed forever. Gone are the days when they instilled fear into the fans. Not so much villains as much as a plot device. Honestly, this show could have ended better, with a true final battle between Voyager and the Borg, aided by the guys from Unimatrix Zero, instead of this idiotic plot about changing the future.

To the fans of Voyager who will decry this and claim that Janeway was being noble, consider this: Voyager got back sixteen years early. That's sixteen years of discoveries made, wars averted, pandemics stopped, children born, lives lived...erased. I would say Janeway was the biggest mistake to be in the Captain's Chair...but after this we got the oh-so horrendous field performance...of Jonathan Archer.

Final Score: 3/10

The crew of Voyager. Where are they now (thanks to Admiral Janeway)?

Janeway became an Admiral, and was later arrested
for supplying Reman rebels.

Upon returning, Seven and Chakotay broke up.
They never spoke again.

Tom wrote a tell-all book about Janeway.
B'elanna was sent to a prison for serving in the Maquis.

The Doctor sued the BBC over the use of his name.
The case was quickly dismissed.

Tuvok was instantly promoted to Captain
for being the most competent person on board.

Harry spent the next thirty years in Starfleet
and never made it past Ensign.

Endgame, Part I

I'll be honest: I caught the tail end of Voyager. We didn't get UPN until its final season. However, in my time I've watched episodes and carefully analyzed what others (professional reviewers like sfdebris and several of my friends) have said about it. I can say one thing: Voyager endlessly flipfloped.

One week, Janeway would uphold the Prime Directive even if it meant the deaths of millions and later would break it to save a handful. It had its moments, like "Author Author" and "Year of Hell", but those were times where they actually made good use of what they had. On paper, Voyager should have been great: a ship stranded lightyears from home with a Starfleet crew and its numbers filled by the clashing ideals of the Maquis. In theory, that should have been a brilliant premise for a show. However, the clashing of ideals would come up a handful of times over the course of the show. Once Voyager gets on Netflix, I intend to sit down and watch it all so I can make my own opinions of it. But for now, I just have the facts of what others have said to me and from exhaustive research on the show.

I will say one thing I have noticed in watching a handful of episodes: the crew doesn't seem to give a damn about preserving history. In "Timeless", the ship is destroyed and only Chakotay and Harry survive. After years of moping, they decide to send a message to save the ship. Guys, if changing history was this simple, I'd go back and improve some courses I took, maintain relationships I let slip away, save a friend who never got a chance to do the things I've done. Why don't I do this? Well, for one, I don't have a TARDIS and two, I cannot let myself be consumed by my mistakes. Our mistakes define us and guide us to the future. However, the crew of Voyager doesn't care about letting the past stay the past. We didn't see Sisko try to avert some battles of the Dominion War, but then that was war and changing history would make it more of a headache.

Anyway, in 2001, Voyager was wrapping up. After killing off a guy who hadn't been on the show in years, everyone knew what "Endgame" would bring: the crew returning home. The only question was: how much padding would there be, and what ethics would the crew break to do it? However, to be fair, a finale should sum up how a show was, symbolizing it at its best.

If the finale is anything to go by, then Voyager was a horrible show.

By the way, I wanted to ask why you never promoted me...
Not now, Harry.

Part 1 opens with a party, where we see most of the senior staff celebrating the tenth anniversary of Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant. Dialogue indicates that the crew was in the Delta Quadrant for a total of 23 years. Light jazz is playing as we see what's become of the officers. Captain KATHRYN Janeway is now an Admiral. Harry Kim is now a captain (took them long enough). Tom and B'elanna are still married, with him being a novelist and her being a Klingon liaison. The Doctor has...gotten married. Okay, this show is off to a bad start if I can complain about a marriage. Why would an immortal machine want to get married? Unless he has a death program, he'll have to spend decades watching his wife wither away before dying. THE Doctor has the decency to switch up his companions every couple of years!

So, it becomes clear that Janeway is the only one not happy. The other officers seem to have gotten on with their lives, but she has not. She has to remind everyone during a toast by Commander Reginald Barclay that there are those who did not make it. Hmm. Well, at least she feels a little guilty about causing the deaths of nearly a quarter of her crew which were completely avoidable by taking the Caretaker array back. Anyway, she's teaching at Starfleet Academy about the Borg, having "written the book on the Borg". After hesitating on a question about Seven of Boobs Nine, Janeway is called away. The Paris' daughter, Miral, tells her "it" works. Uh-oh! What craaaaaaazy scheme will the Admiral try this week? She says good-bye to Tuvok, who is suffering from Vulcan Alzheimer's, and then visits Chakotay's grave. Okay...Tuvok may be bye-bye and Chakotay is dead...Seven of Nine did nothing...so, what's all that wrong with this future?

Wow. It only took you two days to clean all
my flaked-off skin cells?

Back in the present, B'elanna goes into false labor. The crew has become so routine that they are willing to take bets on when she finally pops. Chakotay gives Janeway the menu of their new cook, now that Neelix is gone and as far from Voyager as possible. He declines an offer of lunch to meet with...Seven of Nine on the holodeck for a picnic. When did they start dating? I mean, I know she showed interest in one episode, but where does this come from? After this, we see that Tuvok is suffering from a mental disorder. Again, where is this coming from? Rick and Brannon, why are you introducing these plot points in the final episode? With DS9, they had built up to the finale! What the hell?!

On your orders, I have also smuggled weapons to
Dominion rebels and assassinated five Romulan generals.
Your time machine is almost ready.

We get a scene with Seven and...Neelix...playing some game. Of course, it's the finale so the character must be in it! Seven starts picking up a signal in a nebula which means...a wormhole cluster! Neelix then opts to finish their game tomorrow, so we neeeeeeeeeever see Neelix again! She reports this to Janeway and they decide to investigate. Back to the future (dodges angry mob), the Doctor comes to realize that the Admiral is up to something. He confronts Reg about this, causing him to stammer and thus expose what Janeway is doing. Meanwhile, Janeway is visiting a Klingon scientist. You know, there are some professions I never expected a Klingon to take, unless of course he was Oppenheimer, and from the way he boasts about modifying a Cardassian disruptor, he might be. Janeway goes into exposition mode as he once again exposes her lack of ethics by mentioning how she got the scientist onto the High Council. Wow. Sisko may have inadvertently killed a Romulan senator, but he was doing that to help save billions of lives! Plus, in the end, he wrestled with the guilt. Janeway manipulated a galactic government to further her own selfish plans! Doesn't that go against every guideline in the Prime Directive!?!

Voyager heads into the nebula to investigate the potential wormholes. However, a Borg cube appears and they are forced to turn back. After we see the return of Alice Krige as the Borg Queen, Janeway drops the discussion of a potential way home, just as she has over the course of the series. She later says the nebula was "crawling with Borg". Uh...how did she know that? They picked up one signature and saw one confirmed cube. For all they know, those were the only two cubes in there on a routine patrol! But, while that's best reserved for Part 2, I want to get that tidbit out of the way now. She tells Harry to stop thinking about using this as a way to get home.

Afterwards, Harry tries to convince Tom to modify the Delta Flyer (the super-shuttle that Voyager built with spare parts away from any shipbuilding facility) to investigate the wormhole. Tom shades away from this, talking about the baby on its way. Look, I'm not a father, so I've yet to experience the emotional connection with my offspring. However, isn't part of the thing of parenthood trying to ensure the best possible future for your kid? Even if Tom died for a small chance they could get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I think that's better than raising a kid in the middle of a chaotic and anarchic quadrant. Again, not a father, just my opinion.

Wait...I'm still not sure about this...
Jeri, it's just one episode more.

In the future, Janeway steals the time machine the scientist was building and gets away. However, she is found by CAPTAIN Harry Kim. For the first time ever, Janeway begins to admit she was wrong about everything. She should have listened to her officers instead of thinking she was always right, like a good dictator. Harry agrees to help her, even though if it's discovered, he'll be bumped back to ensign, and I don't think he will survive another thirty years for a promotion. Janeway activates the time machine, evading Klingons who were pursuing her and arrives in the present. She tells her younger self that she's come to bring Voyager home, with the Borg Queen listening in.

Coming up in Part 2, who will Janeway kill to achieve her goals? How will she wipe her floor with the Borg this time? Where did Tuvok's Vulcan Alzheimer's come from? What does Seven see in Chakotay? Why must the crew of Voyager rape the space-time continuum again? And most importantly, will I be able to convey anger in written form?

All this and more coming up next week!

The Wounded

September 29, 1987. Barely 15 minutes into "Encounter at Farpoint", Picard prepares to surrender to Q. In the battle bridge, there's a curly haired guy with an Irish accent in a red uniform. As with most background characters, he'll just appear once and never again. He'll be the conn officer who gets one or two lines in an episode and has no bearing on the plot whatsoever. Right? Right?


No, that was Colm Meany playing Chief O'Brien. He would have one more appearance in Season 1 before getting more speaking time in Season 2, where he would become known as "Transporter Chief". By the end of this shaky season, Meany would get his name and become a full-fledged recurring character, having...well, some bearing on the plot. By Season 4, it was decided to give him some true character, which was done in stages. First, he was given a first and middle name in "Family", then he was married in "Data's Day". After that, we got to go deep into the character's history.


"The Wounded" was written by Jeri Taylor, long before she was given control over the first female captain of a series. The episode opens with the Enterprise-D on the Cardassian border. Peh, Cardassians. Must be some alien race with a cheap rubber forehead, like the Talarians. Picard mentions in his log how the Federation has concluded a peace agreement with Cardassia (proving that once again, the Federation does engage in military conflict) and recalls a story about how he fled from a Cardassian patrol ship last time he was here with the Stargazer. Wow, Picard running? Since there's only one omnipotent race in the universe and the Borg are pretty far, these guys must be tough if they can get Picard to run! Troi does her job of being annoying pretty well by telling Worf (who says the Cardassians have no honour; does anyone have honour other than Klingons?) that they are the Federation's allies now. Uh, Deanna, a peace agreement or an armistice does not equal an alliance!


Anyway, we are introduced to the star of the episode: Miles O'Brien, who is having dinner with his wife Keiko. Keiko introduces him to some Japanese cuisine. I have to agree with Miles, who's not that much of a fan of seaweed (more into shellfish). He begins talking about some Irish food he can make for her, like scalloped potatoes (one of my favorites). Miles also brings in a shocking revelation that his mother cooked real food and touched it with her hands...

You mean, there was a time before replicators?!

Okay, I have to address this. I know that this is the future. They have warp drive and are part of a galactic government. Why, why, WHY, and I'm talking to you three (Rick, Jeri, and Brannon), must they always present 20th Century terms and practices as being foreign or something people have done away with? Why must the 24th Century be so dramatically different than today? Besides, in DS9, we see that people still cook! Ben Sisko cooks all the time! His father runs a restaurant! Why is the idea of people handling meat to Keiko so foreign? Sure, pushing a button saves hours of preparation, but cooking brings a flair to the taste. Besides, some material say that replicated food tastes slightly different than real food.


Anyway, after some sex talk, the ship is attacked and red alert is sounded. Miles runs to his station while we cut to the bridge. They are under attack by a Cardassian warship. Wow, their ships are pretty impressive and not some cheap model. They actually put time and effort into these new bad guys. We then get our first look at them and...wow! Full make-up! Not a single bit of regular skin shown! And...some really ridiculous hats. Oh well, they can ditch them quickly.

I sense hostility and distrust, Captain.
*psst* Deanna, you're not helping.

So, within the first third, the situation is quickly assessed. The USS Phoenix, under the command of Ben Maxwell, appears to have gone rogue and attacked a Cardassian station. With Starfleet still reeling from their battle with the Borg, Picard is ordered to find Maxwell and maintain the peace by any means necessary. The Cardassians come aboard and we quickly get a sense of how different they are. For one thing, they don't use Royal or US naval ranks. They have their own ranking system with "Gul" and "Glinn". After they remove their ridiculous helmets (okay, they're alien, but I'd prefer a spray-painted helmet or something), we get a briefing of the situation. Miles is there because...out of a thousand people, he's the only guy to serve under Maxwell before. Well...Starfleet does probably have millions of officers and crewmen...nevermind. He goes to the turbolift followed by the two Cardassian Glinns, who try to chat him up. Miles quickly reveals himself to be something of a speciesist, with non-subtle hatred to the them.


On the bridge, Picard debates the best course of action with the Cardassian commander, Gul Macet, played by Marc Alaimo (whom you may remember had one line in Total Recall). Macet tries to coax Picard into revealing classified transponder signals that will help the closer Cardassian (wow, I do love that name. "Cardassian") ships find the Phoenix. Of course, Picard is a seasoned veteran, not a science officer put in charge of a counterterrorism mission or an elitist snob put in command simply because his dad's name is on the engine. He knows how to handle a dangerous opponent. Hell, he even restricted their access to sensitive parts of the ship.


Back in their quarters, Miles makes Keiko some potato casserole. He then begins singing "The Minstrel Boy", an old Irish patriotic song, which they used to sing on the Rutledge (named for Edward Rutledge, the youngest signer of the Declaration of Independence). He begins to talk about how others in the conference room felt uncomfortable about the Cardassians, attributing this to fighting the war. It truly amazes me how some people will try to pass off their own prejudices to others. After all, Miles did try to defend his captain who was breaking a treaty of the Federation and raised his voice when the Cardassian officers made a friendly overture. But then, I'm sure some Jews may still feel uncomfortable sitting at lunch with a German, even years after the war has ended.


Meanwhile, Picard reluctantly hands over the codes to Gul Macet, thus rendering Phoenix defenseless. However, being a Nebula-class starship (an updated version of the Miranda-class), it's able to evade the enemy warship and destroy it, along with the supply ship it was chasing. Picard and Macet take a collective "oh...crap" when the latter reveals that 650 crewmen were just killed. The former goes to see Miles for some insight in Captain Maxwell, asking how he took losing his family to the Cardassians. Miles claims Maxwell took it fine, but starts to rethink when Picard gives some words of wisdom:


"I think, when one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable like...like old leather. And finally... it becomes so familiar that one can't remember feeling any other way"

So, eleven hundred colonists go in the water, 300 come
out, sharks took the rest...

Hearing this, Miles heads to Ten Forward, where I shall avoid a cheap drunk Irishman joke. One of the Glinns arrives and joins Miles in drinks. One thing this episode does extremely well is how much information about the Cardassians is organically introduced: their appearance, their ranks, their ships, their history with the Federation, and now their drinks. Curious that the Enterprise bar staff has Cardassian alcohol on board (like US subs have vodka during the Cold War), but nevermind. Here, we get some of the first backstory for Miles, where he recounts his experiences from the earliest days of the Cardassian Wars. During the attack on Setlik III, where Maxwell's family died, Miles killed a Cardassian with full vaporize when he intended to stun him (the first time he ever killed something). The way he recounts it is very much how any veteran will recall a particularly trying battle or skirmish.




Following this, Worf brings in the other Glinn, whom he claims was trying to access information on the ship's weapons systems. This scene is partially padding, but also serves to show how Cardassians try to talk their way out of a situation. Macet also speaks grandly about a lasting peace with Picard. Wow, Marc Alaimo is quite a thespian. He should come back as a Cardassian. Not this one, of course. The make-up is still in beta, but then, great things come in stages.


So, the Enterprise finally catches up with the Phoenix. Maxwell beams over and has a reunion with Miles, saying that he was his tactical officer on the Rutledge. Odd, a senior NCO being a department head...anyway, Maxwell goes to see Picard (after giving a wink to Miles; nice moment). He proceeds to give his side of the story: the Cardassians are rearming. The "science station" he destroyed was a military depot. He goes into an argument with Picard, who appears to neither agree nor disagree with his claim. Finally, Picard says they will return to Federation space. However, while heading back, Maxwell changes course and pursues another Cardassian starship (which conveniently has jamming equipment). With some treknobabble, Miles has a way to beam over.




What follows in Maxwell's ready room is truly some impressive acting. Maxwell is a soldier who thinks the war is still going on; he's one of many veterans who lives to fight, who will never adjust back into civilian life. He starts to talk about how the Federation does not start wars, before breaking into tears over the death of his family on Setlik III. Followed by...this:

Truly one of the most heartwarming moments I've ever seen of Star Trek.

Cross me again, Gul Macet, and so help me
I shall pit you against a black man.

Afterwards, Maxwell surrenders himself and is held aboard the Enterprise. Macet congratulates Picard on his accomplishment, but the latter responds with pity for Maxwell. He was twice awarded the highest medals for courage and valor during the war, so he will have a highly difficult time readjusting to peace. Finally, Picard reveals that Maxwell was absolutely correct. The science station was an arms depot. However, by not boarding the supply ship, he managed to maintain the peace. This is what I like about Picard: on his best days, he carefully plays his cards before fully revealing his hand. He has Gul Macet leave his ship with a warning: "We'll be watching." FORESHADOWING!




I need to dock the score for some future stupidity in the teaser, but the rest of the episode is solid. We finally get a main enemy of the Federation after the failed Ferengi, the reclusive Romulans, and the distant Borg. Besides focusing on a secondary recurring character, here we see the all-too-real consequences of war. The best decorated officer who defies orders because he cannot stand the thought of peace. The subordinate who tries to hide his prejudice to a former enemy. And of course, the man who is willing to do anything to uphold the new peace. All of this leads back to one fundamental truth, known since the dawn of human history:

War is hell.

Final Score: 9/10

Phantasms

Season 7 of TNG is one that I've noticed a lot of people seem to put down. It's a common occurrence that a TV show will probably run out of steam in its last season, like nearly any college student in their last semester. There were a couple good episodes of Season 7: "The Pegasus" is one of my favorites (loooong before "These Are The Voyages" ruined it), along with "Force of Nature", "Parallels", and "All Good Things". "Lower Decks" brought us to a part of the Enterprise that wasn't seen every week while "Journey's End" brought the final episode with Wesley. But, there were some lesser episodes, like "Emergence" where once again the holodeck broke down (I'm hoping they ditched the holodeck and went back to TV and movies). As for "Phantasms"...let me put it like this: the movie Phantasm made more sense than the episode "Phantasms".

You're next!
YOU'RE NEXT!!!

The episode opens with a tracking shot of Data strolling through the corridor. The music and odd camera effects immediately tell us that this is an off-putting scene. The only way to make it more off-putting is to feature a wide-angled close-up. After a brief chat with Geordi, Data notices three workmen wearing old clothing ripping a piece of the wall apart. He tries to talk to them, but for some reasons emits a high-pitched shriek. The scene ends with the workmen tearing him apaaaaaaaaaart, Lisa! (literally) And then, Data wakes up in his quarters.

The Enterprise has just installed a new warp core and is heading off to some planet. Picard is upset because he's been forced into attending the annual Admiral's Banquet. With no Borg cube inbound, Cylon attack underway, or Dalek using pig slaves, it seems that he has no more excuse to miss out an incredibly dull dinner. In engineering, Data and Geordi have a talk about dreams. They then have a chat with a young ensign...in a scene that obviously serves for padding and has no bearing on the rest of the episode. Anyway, they try to go to warp but...it's not working. Well, Picard, you might have a chance to skip out this year.

Data talks to Troi about his dream, followed by the latter suggesting he try it again. Interesting advice to do something that was disturbing. But anyway, Data decides to continue his dreaming. The following scene is chalk full of symbolism, very surreal symbolism: Worf eats a "cellular peptide cake" (with mint frosting), Dr. Crusher is sucking something out through Riker's ear, there is ringing, and the workmen are eating Troi as a cake. Then, Data wakes up to find Troi, Geordi, and Worf standing over him: Data has overslept. Naturally, realizing something seems to be very wrong, his first impulse is to go back to work.

Ja, ja.  Tell me more about zes sexual encounter mit
Tasha Yar.

After that, Data decides to get some advice from Sigmund Freud in a scene which, let's be fair, is pretty ridiculous. Freud is one of the fathers of modern psychology, but this scene fails because he's from the 20th Century. Just about every disease on Earth has been eradicated. Freud's ideas and methodologies of the time should be obsolete from new ideas and methodologies. I mean, it's like trying to ask the Founding Fathers for help on American domestic policy in the 21st Century. They were geniuses for their time, and in some ways are inspirational, but with changing times they're hardly the first people I'd go to for advice. Data eventually realizes this and leaves the holodeck.

Hello. How would you like to lose weight within one hour
by doing absolutely nothing?

Picard gets a message from Admiral Nakamura (whom you may remember all the way back from Season 2), on why they aren't at the banquet yet. Data then works on a phase coil and has a waking dream. Riker (still with the straw in his ear) tells Data to "answer it" before he comes back to reality. After that, Data goes to see a true therapist about his dreams. Troi suggests he is developing neurosis, which Data is excited about. Interesting...

Later, after a pointless scene where Picard tries to micromanage Main Engineering (where he seems anxious to get to the banquet; why isn't he ordering them to take their time?), Data has another waking dream and tries to stab Troi. He takes revenge for all the "Counselor Obvious" moments she's done in the last six years. Riker and Worf manage to be in the right place because the Klingon was complaining about his son listening to jazz; hey, Worf, jazz is a little easier to listen to than the screeching Klingon opera you pipe through the ship's audio! They manage to overpower Data...odd, as he lifted Wesley with one hand in the pilot episode, but anyway he is subdued.

In the conference room, Data tries to explain his actions, but with no explanation available, Picard is forced to relieve him of duty. We then get a scene where Data gives his demon cat Spot to Worf. Did Data consider himself to be a danger to Spot? He didn't see him/her in his dreams or see him as being in danger! But, then, Dr. Crusher realizes that the crew is actually infected by interphasic organisms, which are consuming their cellular peptides and will soon reduce the crew to piles of goo. I must admire the crew of the Enterprise. After six years in space, they are completely nonchalant that they are being killed in a highly grotesque manner.

Geordi, I think I need my spinning top.

In the end, Picard and Geordi hook Data up to the holodeck to observe his dreams. After all, when a positronic brain cannot solve a problem, send in a human one! They go down layer after layer to implant the idea to break up Fischer's company...oh, wrong dream media. Eventually, they realize that a high-pitched scream Data emitted is harmful to the creatures, so Data emits the same pulse and all the creatures are killed. Then, we get the explanation for how this happened: turns out the creatures were laying dormant in the new plasma coil. Wow, the Federation needs to stop outsourcing to planets with lax safety regulations! Luckily, it will take so long to build a new plasma conduit that Picard will miss the banquet.

So, how did this episode old up? Stupid premise, mediocre acting, and bizarre conclusion. But, to be fair, it's a pretty harmless show. The dream sequences are pretty neat and I did get a laugh out of Sigmund Freud helping an android. Brannon Braga wrote this episode, but if anyone other than Patrick Stewart directed, it would probably have been as dull as "Schisms".

Final Score: 6/10

Heart of Glory

Well, it's been a few weeks. But, I had work to finish for this semester before I graduated (I'm now a college graduate), so here's something to break the mood. Today, we're looking at Next Generation.

Let's take a detour to 1979. For the first time in a decade, a new live-action Star Trek production was released (partially thanks to the release of Star Wars). Gene Roddenberry was given control of this film, and BOY, did it suck balls! The film was so incredibly boring and was stated to be "2001 for the 80s". Nevertheless, the Motionless Picture did well enough to warrant a sequel. First thing to do, besides change the uniforms, was to get Gene as far from the creative table as possible, and with that, we had the best film in the series: Wrath of Khan.

In 1986, Voyage Home made enough money to convince Paramount that a new Star Trek series was feasible. Sadly, Paramount decided in their wisdom to give creative control back to Gene. Like God's creation of the universe, this has come to be seen as a bad move.

I said a few weeks ago that first seasons are often excusable as they're trying to find their footing, but Season 1 of TNG was just...bad. I mean...really bad. For his part, Gene tried to put in more of his Utopian ideals, many of which were horrendously silly. He made sure the phasers were as un-gunlike as possible (and I think he said they only had a stun setting), he made the ship look like a hotel and a mall, he brought children on board (exposing them to deadly danger every week), and had to introduce his silly "no money exists!" idea. I like having currency, but still I have the theory that a society with machines that can produce food from thing air will have an economic model beyond anything we can understand. In addition, he tried to make capitalism the new bad guy, resulting in the laughable first appearance of the Ferengi. But, we'll get to that later.

"Heart of Glory" was written well before Ron Moore came on the show and single handedly created the Klingons as we know them today. There are some things that show up which will never appear again, like calling the homeworld "Kling" and referring to non-Klingons as "infidels". But still, with the Klingons being friends of the Federation, they had to come in sooner or later. Maybe, it should have been "later".

The episode opens with the Enterprise arriving in the Neutral Zone to investigate a battle. Interesting how the Neutral Zone shows up well before the Romulans do (thanks to the failure of the Ferengi). In addition, they have to mention that the weapon signatures are not of Ferengi origin. Real blatant in showing how eeeeeeeeeevil capitalism is! Anyway, a Talarian ship is found severely damaged with all systems failing (the Talarians will show up years later). Picard orders the first officer, second officer, and Geordi to beam over. Geordi has a red shirt, but is just one step up from an ensign, so I'm guessing he'll be fine.

This new HD monitor is awful!

Before heading over, Geordi equips his VISOR with an uplink to the bridge, so they can see what he sees. Interesting how after this episode, it is neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever utilized again! Moreover, why are they getting what Geordi is himself seeing? The bridge crew does not know how to interpret what he's seeing. Wait, maybe that's why this is never used again (well, except by the Klingons who will use it to destroy the Enterprise in Generations). This scene serves mostly as padding, as well as showcasing the advantages of the VISOR, so let's move on.

After moving through a cloud of toxic gas, they find the passengers of this ship: Klingons. As this is some eighty years after the Original Series, Gene envisioned the Klingons being at peace with the Federation. Not too bad an idea, but that does not go over well in this episode. It looks less like the Russians and Americans working together and more like America having a puppet regime in a Middle East country. So, the ship begins to blow and Tasha is put in the transporter controls to beam them out. Of course, because she isn't a curly-haired Irishman, she fails the first time, but manages to bring them back.

The Klingons introduce themselves: Vaughn Armstrong and...some guy who was on The A-Team. Here we get one of the few elements of Klingon culture that will survive into other episodes: the Klingon death ritual. I'll admit: it is a very good scene. We also get some backstory on Worf. His parents were killed at Camp Khitomer (from Star Trek VI, which is four years away) and he was raised by humans. Nice to see how Gene, in his daze to create the perfect utopia, came up with a pretty nice backstory for Worf.

The Klingon died? You should bury him in
the pet cemetery.

Another Klingon ship arrives. On its bridge behind the captain is both a Klingon and Federation flag. Enjoy that image, because it will never be used in Star Trek again. This Klingon captain says that the ones the Enterprise picked up are fugitives, members of the Klingon Taliban. Well, maybe not, but they are wanted for stealing the ship and destroying a cruiser. Picard orders Tasha to bring the fugitives to the brig. As Tasha brings a security team, a little girl comes into the hallway and is picked up by Vaughn Armstrong. Tasha shows her usefulness by...not doing much in trying to save her.

Alright, I want to address the commonly mocked aspect of TNG with having children on board. I'm friends with multiple military families, so I've come to understand the hardships the spouses face when their loved one is shipped overseas. As such, I can kind of understand why Gene would have the families of the crew be on-board. After all, why should you go four or more years into deep space without seeing them. However, Starfleet is on various levels a military organization: one of its missions is to defend the Federation from threats. With all the anomalies and Romulan warbirds out there, you're putting dozens of kids in danger every week. Even in "Emissary", Sisko's family was on-board while he was fighting and losing to the Borg. Leave the kids at the nearest starbase! If you go up in smoke, don't bring your kids with you!

So, the hostage situation resolves nicely and the Klingons are brought to a brig which we'll never see again. It's more of a room with a force field next to a hallway than a brig (like in the Original Series). Thanks to Gene, Starfleet has decided to forgo any kind of search to make sure the prisoners aren't carrying weapons or things that could be used as weapons, as Vaughn Armstrong and the other guy are able to assemble a disruptor from equipment hidden in their clothing. Starfleet Security, one of the first things you should do when securing a prisoner is to make sure they're not carrying anything!

They get out, the other guy is killed, and Vaughn Armstrong makes it to engineering. Wow, Starfleet Security must be more like those guys who guard office buildings, "growing fat on a pension", than the elite Marine forces of the Navy if they allow an armed Klingon to get into one of the most vital areas of the ship. Once again, Tasha does not do anything and merely reports that he has his disruptor aimed at the dilithium chamber. Some have commented how the warp core is designed to withstand a constant matter/antimatter annihilation and yet a phaser blast can destroy the ship. Matter/antimatter need to be contained with magnetic shielding, not a physical barrier. Although...wouldn't it make more sense to have to have the physical barrier be built to withstand a phaser blast to prevent disruption of the magnetic...I'm rambling off-topic.

No, Worf! I'm telling you: it was a one-armed
man who killed my wife!

Worf comes in and manages to subdue Vaughn Armstrong. Once again, we see that occupational safety does not exist in the Star Trek universe, as the glass floorboards on the upper level shatter. The  episode ends with Worf rejecting an offer to leave the Enterprise and join the Klingons. You know, as we later learn, Worf has been to the Klingon homeworld before. While meditating there, he was inspired to join Starfleet. Why would they still be trying to grab him? Oh right, we needed a sugary ending for this episode. So, the Enterprise flies off and fans can rejoice that there are only two more episodes before Tasha dies!

If you're a casual fan and not on a mission to watch every episode of Star Trek ever produced, I recommend you skip this episode. It's one of the lesser episodes of the lesser season of TNG. However, if you're really into the Klingons, I'll recommend it if only for the fact that it reintroduced the Klingons to the new era. Why was I constantly mentioning Vaughn Armstrong? Well, he would go from this episode to be along the likes of Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertzler for playing seven or more characters in the Star Trek franchise. So, if you're a fan of him, it may be worth seeing his first performance.

Final Score: 6/10